Stop Chasing Someone Else’s Success — Here’s How to Define Your Own

Someone asked me recently — what does success look like to you?

It stopped me in my tracks. Because success is personal. It’s sacred. And it’s one of the most explored conversations inside the Mastermind Sisterhood — because so many of us have been living someone else’s version of it without even realising.

For me, success is living life on my terms. A genuine blend of everything that matters — meaningful work I love, that makes a real difference to the women I work with. Financial reward that reflects my value. Quality time with my family. Space for my own wellbeing. Living in comfort and beauty. And feelings of abundance, engagement, fulfilment — those are the real markers.

I first came to this through Barbara Stanny’s work on Sacred Success — pursuing your soul’s purpose, for your own bliss and the benefit of others, while being richly rewarded. That framing landed deeply for me. It still does.

But here’s what I see happening again and again.
Women who are building something real — a business, a creative project, a career — and things are going well on paper. But something still feels off. That quiet question keeps surfacing: is this it?
That’s the gap between external achievement and internal alignment. And research consistently shows that when our goals are handed to us rather than genuinely chosen by us, we’re far less likely to feel satisfied — even when we hit them. More followers. More income. More visible. More, more, more. But whose definition of more?

Fulfilment comes from autonomy. From building toward something that actually means something to you.
So how do you find that? I believe it comes down to four things.
1. Know Your Values — this is who you are
Your values are your internal compass. What truly matters to you — not what should matter, what does. When your decisions and actions align with your values, things feel more effortless. More right. When they don’t? That’s exactly where the friction lives. That’s where the “is this it?” starts whispering.
Getting clear on your values isn’t a nice-to-have. It’s the foundation everything else is built on.

2. Create Your Vision — this is where you’re going
Not a vision built from someone else’s highlights. Your vision. Research in positive psychology shows that having a vivid, personally meaningful picture of where you’re headed is one of the strongest predictors of sustained motivation and genuine wellbeing.
What do you want your life to look — and more importantly feel — like? Day to day. Not just the big wins. When your vision is rooted in your values, it stops feeling like pressure and starts feeling like possibility.

3. Get Clear on Your Priorities — this is how you get there
This is the practical bridge between values and vision — and the piece most women miss. Even with a clear compass and a beautiful vision, if everything feels equally urgent, you stay stuck.
Priorities are how you translate what matters into actual daily choices. What does the right blend of work, rest, relationships, creativity, purpose and pleasure look like for you, right now, in this season of life? That’s your answer.

4. Trust Your Feelings — this is your feedback system
This is the piece most goal-setting frameworks ignore entirely — and it’s the most important one. Your emotional response to a goal, a path, a decision — that’s data. It tells you whether you’re genuinely aligned or simply performing someone else’s version of success.
If something looks right on paper but feels hollow, that’s information. If something feels expansive and energising even when it’s hard, that’s information too. Learning to read your feelings as feedback rather than noise? That’s where everything changes.

Together, these four things form a framework that is both grounded in lived experience and strongly supported by the research on wellbeing, motivation and what actually makes women feel fulfilled:
• Values → who you are
• Vision → where you’re going
• Priorities → how you get there
• Feelings → whether it’s truly yours

Start there. Not with someone else’s metrics. Not with the highlight reel. With you.
Because the most successful life you can build is the one that genuinely feels like yours.

xJo

Ready to go deeper?
If this resonated and you’d love support bringing your own vision to life, I’d love to chat. Book a Break Free Session
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