I first came across the idea of boundaries when working with coach Linda Matushcka during a time when I was looking to make personal growth and change in my life. I was challenged to create boundaries which would help provide me with the space I craved, during this difficult phase. Lately I have shared this work around boundaries with my clients as appropriate to help them make their own journeys of growth and change.

The client establishing boundaries to create space for healing, and growth, so they were able to move forward and negotiate the difficulty of a changing relationship.

The client who was feeling a lack of time and space in her life, uncertain and unable to think about what she wanted, too busy, at the effect of living life by default, she had lost sight of what she valued, who she really was, or wanted to be.

We all have the right to establish boundaries, as a protective buffer from the problems, needs and concerns of others. We all have boundaries of some kind and many are only just enough to maintain our basic security.

We can build boundaries to promote our own personal wellbeing and happiness. People often intrude on our space more than we realize. With that in mind we can set the limits and decide how wide to cast them.

Brene Brown suggests the most compassionate people she knows have the most boundaries. They know what’s okay and what’s not okay and they can communicate that.

Brene says we can communicate our boundaries and still assume that other people are doing the best that they can too. We can ask ourselves what boundaries we need to have in place, to stay in our integrity, and still show this compassion to others.

We’re not always comfortable about boundaries, we care what others will think and we don’t want to disappoint. Boundaries are not easy, but they are the key to self-love and to treating others with love, so we can sustain relationships.

Boundaries are not fake walls, or separation, they are not division, they are respect, – here’s what’s okay for me and here’s what’s not okay.

When we feel the need for space to grow, or when we want to grow quickly, it helps to extend our boundaries more than what we first think will be needed.

The more sensitive we are, the more we need boundaries in place, and it’s easier to make shift within ourselves, once we put them in place.

You can’t set a boundary in place, without raising a standard.  You go from externally motivated to inner directed, from being at the effect of life (responding to cause) to self responsible. Instead of saying “this happened to me” – you acknowledge you make the choices that produced that result. You go from resistant to willing (making a change when you know one is needed) and from needs driven to values driven.

Boundaries help you define who you are and who you’re not.

You need boundaries in order to be you.

You set boundaries by telling others – “that’s not okay”.

You set boundaries by having courage.

You get courage from knowing what’s best for you to reach your true potential.

You know and learn what’s best for you, by caring and taking time for yourself.

It’s helpful to focus on one boundary at a time:

• What boundary is most appropriate for me to keep upper most in my mind at this

time?

• What would be an appropriate affirmation to keep me mindful of this boundary?

What’s the best way for me to remember (stay mindful) of this boundary?